Beware, there's a haunted ass kicking

Raina and I have been going to a lot of haunted houses recently. Three in fact. We're not doing this because we know someone in the house or we're preteens looking for a good scare, we're doing it as a full-on research endeavor, because we are gonna open our own haunted house!

Since there's only a couple weeks until actual Halloween takes place, I'm gonna just lay out some of the ideas I've cribbed from our haunting experiences to showcase to you “Raina and Kevin's Most Ass Kickingest Haunted Scarefest Eva!©”

Here are some of the rooms I envision us having:

*Clown Autopsy room
What's the scariest thing about clowns? It's not the makeup, nor is it their photographic memories, it's how they murder people. That's where the clown autopsy room comes into play. Just picture it, a clown strung out on a table. Another clown with a scoopula full of clown brain forcing you to gaze into the sheer terror of clown bits. Also, on the way out, they'll stab you in the crotch. If that's not scary, you're either inhuman or... A CLOWN!!!! Oh wait, they're the same thing.

*Room where annoying little girls sing Katy Perry's “Hot N Cold” non-stop until you fashion a homemade shiv out of a credit card and stab yourself in the brain to death.
This is based on the experience we had at the Tulalip haunted house last night. While technically it took place outside of the house, I'm certain the evil haunted house purveyors stuck this sin against nature behind us just to add to the sheer terror of the evening. It didn't help that they kept nudging us as well.


*Strobe light room
You're legally required to have an incessant amount of strobe lights if you run a haunted house. We're just living up to union regulations with this one.

* Kitty petting room
I figure since our kitties will want to be involved, we'll let people pet them. But did I mention these kitties were PURE EVIL!?!?!!?!?!? I didn't, oh wait, they're not, but people do like cats, and you gotta play to the audience.

*Pile o' Credit Carded People
You gotta dispose of the corpses somehow, why not get a free cheap scare out of it.

*Chainsaw Murderer
Every single haunted house ever created always ends with a guy revving a chainsaw and chasing after people who foolishly forgot to wear their Kevlar. What'll make our experience different is we'll recruit heavily from a pool of convicted murderers, vampire slayers, jaywalkers and warlocks and let them go to town with the chainsaw. It's basically win-win, we get a really cool scare section (watching people murdered with a chainsaw is not appealing), and he or she gets to kill people. We probably don't even have to pay him or her!

*Erik Estrada explains Super String Theory
This is what we in the biz call a "double whammy"--celebrity nobody cares about explaining theory nobody understands. Inspired by us seeing Michael Ray Bower (Donkeylips from "Salute Your Shorts") explain the benefits of Grand Unification Theory at one of the haunted houses.

*Room playing 1990's classic horror film “It.”
At the haunted wood in Renton, we walked into a room playing this movie and Raina screamed her head off. There were no actors jumping out at us, it was just Tim Curry on DVD.

With all this killing that occurs, it might seem like we'd be liable for many of the deaths that occur in our establishment of fun. To get around that slight legal issue, all we'd need to do is make them sign a release form. These forms, like field trip permission forms of old will completely absolve us of any legal ramifications. They'll work, because even if people read them (doubtful), they'll assume when we say “I will not hold Raina and Kevin's Most Ass Kickingest Haunted Scarefest Eva!© responsible if a deranged clown murderer preteen drinks 14 feet of my long intestine,” they'll think we're just being facetious and having a grand ole time. We're not.

I can imagine one day Roger Ebert saying "Raina and Kevin's Most Ass Kickingest Haunted Scarefest Eva!© makes the Goosebumps tale 'Say Cheese and Die - Again!" seem like the Goosebumps tale 'My Best Friend is Invisible,' and you can quote me on that!" title>

So if any anyone is looking for an Ass Kicking good time, I know an Ass Kicking good place to do it at, that's right, Raina and Kevin's Most Ass Kickingest Haunted Scarefest Eva!©.

cuteness.

Sprocket with a $5 bill... I haven't the faintest idea where he got it from. I let him keep playing with it for a little bit.

Our briefly adopted son. He is missed.

Snoozing with his fangs out.

The little miss Rio looks a little depressed about living in a hotel.

My bird boys being so cool. I heart them. Yoshi is the one with the red/peach face. Beaker is the one with the black mask.

Cleaner Cleaners! Mundane… I know.

Many of us clean our houses…. many not all. To most, a clean house equates to a healthier state of living. Fewer bacteria. Less dirt. Less grime. Less bubonic plague. Without cleaning, we’d be wallowing in our filth (and cat fur-- if you are like me) day in and day out. Ironic that the products we use to be healthier are actually incredibly hazardous, and they have to be to demolish all the E. coli and Streptococcus out there… or do they?

The quest for cleaner cleaners started when I regained ownership of my pair of lovebirds. Birds are very sensitive to odors, chemicals, and due to their low body weights and high metabolic rates. Canary in the coal mine anyone? For example, overheated Teflon© produces an odor which kills birds instantly. Leads me to wonder what it has done to me after repeatedly cooking my dinner in it and eating said dinner for over 10 years.

Wanting my feathered friends to live a long and healthy life, I decided to make the switch to natural cleaners. Being a recent college graduate with $18,345.39 of debt who moved to Seattle, WA on a whim without a job, the cost of my new cleaners was of some concern. Yes, a bottle of natural glass cleaner or soap only costs, on average, 50 cents to two dollars more than their conventional counterparts, but I’d rather spend that money on something a little less mundane than cleaning supplies.

It would have been very easy to slip into my old ways and opt for the cheaper variety, but as anyone who has purchased Malt-o-Meal Marshmallow Mateys instead of General Mills Lucky Charms knows, you get what you pay for –a toxic bowl full of pirates instead of the healthy, magically delicious clovers and blue moons. But, I was able to find a cost effective solution. Instead of paying the extra amount, I simply made my own using household ingredients—lemon juice, baking soda, grapefruit seed extract, olive oil, white vinegar, salt, liquid soap, and water. This allowed me to save money because these homemade cleaners cost even less than the generic variety and save my health and that of my birds.

Window cleaners, such as Windex, are either completely obsolete or easily replaceable, depending on which path you wish to take. Investment in microfiber cloths allows you to clean your windows with a little spritz of water and nothing more. Or you could make a solution using I cup vinegar to 1 gallon water. Many of you may cringe at the thought of spraying vinegar about your house because who wants to smell THAT?! I assure you, the odor goes away once it is dry. Add a little lemon juice to the mix to cut the smell. Would you rather choke down the fumes of a suspiciously blue-colored liquid with ingredients like ethylene glycol n-hexyl ether? Certainly not.

The Fantastik© risk of skin and eye irritation is completely eliminated by the use of Grapefruit Seed Extract. Simply mix 20 drops to one gallon of water and you have an all-purpose disinfectant. You can also use it as a fruit and veggie wash to remove pesticides.

Even air fresheners are dangerous—maybe not as dangerous as the odor from your warm smelly, but still. They (the air fresheners, not your toots—those are mostly methane) contain aromatic rings which smell wonderful but are known carcinogens. If you find yourself needing to mask the scent of a dead body or other yuckies, boil some water with cloves, cinnamon, orange peel, and/or ginger. Or just use some baking soda.

With these few items, I am able to clean my entire apartment—windows, tables, floors, carpets… everything. There is something to be said when I could literally open up any one of my cleaning bottles and take a drink without any serious harm coming to me – except for a repulsive taste. Would you dare to drink Windex, Fantastik, or any other commercial cleaner? I would guess not.

Dat Dern Rocks!

So, has anyone ever heard of this "Dance Dance Revolution" game? It's some new game from like Iceland or Captain Planet-ville or something. Imagine Guitar Hero, except instead of being in your hands in a guitar shaped form, it's on the ground, sort of like a dance pad, but WAY more technologically advanced.

If you've ever wanted to dance to Chris Brown, but don't believe you can actually "Run It," then this is the video game playing device for you!

Even if you suck at DDR like I do, you might not be too awful at Dance Dance Revolution. However, since I suck at Dance Dance Revolution, I'm not the greatest at DDR. It's like when a bee who has spent his entire life learning how to make honey all of the sudden being told to make something that's not honey. This is profound. Contemplate it.

I imagine we'll soon have pictures of me busting a move wiki-wiki style, so watch out, because this brand new game is off the hizzook!

This is where pies come to die.

The other day we were sitting around, and I couldn't help but comment "Raina, do you realize we haven't done any of the Seattley-touristy things that people would have done circa-1990!?!?" To which Raina replied "No!?!?!?"

To amend that problem, we could have done two things... formed an angsty grunge band with naked children orrrrr gone to see the waterfall featured in the middle 17 seconds of the opening of the sometimes good, often bad, but always weird "Twin Peaks."

You can probably guess it, but we went with the latter... unless there's some sort of "Magic Eye" naked children collage hidden somewhere in the above waterfall picture.

The whole drive to Snoqualmie Falls, I kept wanting to quote Kyle MacLachlan in his role as Dale Cooper, but I realized the only quotes I could remember involved midget talking backwards but played forwards, which I'm too tall to do, so we mainly just looked at pretty pretty trees. Also car accidents a-plenty.

Snoqualmie Falls was pretty majestic. Here, let me paint a word picture for you before showing you another picture-picture. Imagine a lot of water (like larger than a whole pot of water) falling. And that's what it's like. Except there's a lot of it (see above note about it being more than a whole pot of water).

Watch the water falling!

Here are a couple more pictures from the journey for your viewing enjoyment.

Walking down to the bottom of the falls. If only I had remembered to bring my oversized novelty barrel, the journey time and Raina's torso would have been cut in half!

It was a really long walk.

More spelunking.

Like the original Bonnie and Clyde, we broke the law and sneaked down to the bottom of the waterfall. However, unlike them, what we did wasn't actually illegal.

Raina at the bottom. She told me not to get the tree in the shot, but guess what, I did (shhhhhh, don't tell her!)

As you might have heard, walking down to the bottom of the waterfall was kind of tiring, so I took a drink from it.

Note to future self: drinking an entire waterfall causes big time gut rot.

And back at the top... Raina really likes powerlines, whereas I like the power they bring. Kismet.

We did plan to go and get pie from the diner featured in Twin Peaks, but we A. Didn't remember the name of it in the show, B. Didn't remember the name of it in real life. Maybe that can be a journey for another day, after all, there's always time for early '90s Seattley-Touristy time!

Until then!

carkeek park

Took a little trip to Carkeek Park which is about two miles from our apartment. It was a nice little park that seems to be pretty "unknown" as compared to Discovery Park. There are wooded trails, grassy lawns, playgrounds, and some beach front. Photographic commentary to follow:


Kevin is hardcore.


Eating flowers. This was our break from frisbee because I am way out of shape and can't play for long periods of time without becoming winded.


Laying in the grass/clover.


More laying in the grass.


Kevin says this is what he was thinking while posing "she loves me :) [computer smiley]. she loves me not :( [computer unsmiley]."


Kevin's fist and he is eating the flower?


To document our day at the park.


On the beach...


The creek that has salmon in it. It winds all the way into the ocean.


Train tracks and fall colors!


Kevin brooding.

And that is all. Really exciting stuff, I know!

--R.

CoasterChallengeCasualty!

For those expecting to get an update in the inaugural CoasterChallenge 2000 ought 8, I have one... but it's not what you expected. There have been some casualties--or CoasterChallengeCasualties as I'm cleverly callin em (Another CCC!)

Basically, it boils down to this. In the grand confrontation between coasters and cats, cats will always win out.

Both Mr. Sprocket and Ms. Rio decided to go to town on either mine or Raina's coasters (Ha! You thought I was gonna skew the challenge!). We woke up one morning and Sprocket had little bits of Bear sticking out of his mouth. We tried resuscitating, but alas, it was not to be.

He lived his life like a candle in the wind.

Then a couple days later, Rio decided she hated the negative connotations associated with "Cat's Game" and went to town on the Tic-Tac-Toe Coaster.

Talk about the ultimate end game.

As you can see in the above pics, she didn't just play with it, she tore the whole thing apart, like it was her job to ensure we didn't have anything to put our condensating beverages upon.

But here's the thing, Rio, we do!

With that said, CoasterChallenge 2000 ought 8 is still raging strong. Sure, we're down two, but they're still in contention. If anyone wants to participate, feel free, because it's still on!

PAWS interview

Hello all,

I had my working interview at PAWS Wildlife Center in Lynnwood, WA today. I think it went ok, their center is so much more advanced than Four Lakes, but I think I could learn it pretty quickly. They didn't really have many patients at the time, so it was pretty mellow.

First, I just walked around with the rehabbers and watched them do what they do. Sat in on the rounds meeting with the vet and assistant. Highlights of the day are:

1. Bobcat - I got to touch and feed a young bobcat. Pretty sweet. She was cute, but sick :(
2. Harbor Seal - I got to see it. Pretty stubborn apparently and won't eat so it may be transferred.
3. Bears - I got to see them. They were only on a camera though.
4. Deer - I fed them. Odd since we can't do those in Wisconsin.

Then, I was sent off to talk to all of the people who work there for a couple minutes at a time. I think this was probably the part of the day that went the best. This is suprising considering I am not very social.

She said they would get back to me but it may take ahwile. I have no idea how many people I am up against, but I hope I get it. It would be pretty amazing. I do know I am facing someone who has 5 years experience and a vet tech for sure... which intimidates me a bit.

I don't really have much else to say about it. Keep your fingers crossed.

--R.

coolest.thing.ever.

We took our kitties to get their shots today. Sprocket got his ego stroked so badly by the vet, according to her Rocket was "muscular, handsome, beautiful hair, teeth, and tail, etc." He liked that, until she stabbed him with a thermometer in the butt and rabies shots in his skin--then he hissed and was completely fowl. Rio was her usually petrified self.

ANYWAY, coolest thing ever happened when we roll up to our parking space.

K: What kind of bird is THAT?!
R: What bird?
K: Right there.... *points out window*
R: OH MY GOD! That's a hawk... with a pigeon! WHY DON'T I HAVE MY CAMERA!?!?!

It was a hawk (cooper's? I'm so sad I'm not from here. I don't even know the native hawks! I miss knowing most of the bird friends!) eating his newly caught pigeon right infront of our door. I mean, he was like... 2 feet away from us.... just chowing down.

I realize I shouldn't be this excited given I've held and fed a bunch of hawks on a regular basis... but it is so much better in nature! This makes me want to go birding more--put my $350 binoculars to good use.

So the pictures I did get:



To illustrate proximity. Kevin's car is the silver one in the center of the picture. The white things are feathers from the pigeon.


Close up of the feathers and the little bit of flesh.


The culprit high in the tree nearby. He flew off (with the pigeon) once I opened my door and got out.



Here he is again. Looking at me.


And again, he had dropped the pigeon on the ground by this point.


Thinking about going down to pick it up.


There is the half-eaten pigeon.

So. Cool.

--R.

CoasterChallenge 2000 ought 8

Kevin here, introducing you to what just might change your life. CoasterChallenge 2000 ought 8. Now, what exactly does this entail? I'm guessing most of my audience knows what a coaster is (WHEEEE!) and several know what a challenge is, thanks to Food Network Challenge, but what exactly is a CoasterChallenge, especially in 2000 ought 8?

Well, Raina and I spent the past several nights hatching a plan for the greatest CoasterPlanOff in the history of this world. With our bare hands, we constructed coasters to use in our apartment. Here's where the challenge comes in... Kevin made four of the following coasters, while Raina constructed an also spectacular five coasters.


Which one made which? Who will know? Can you guess it? Can you dig it? Find out in CoasterChallenge 2000 ought 8!

Here's how it works, I'm going to list all nine of the coasters with vague descriptors, and our vast audience of 3 people will then (hopefully) guess which one of us made which coaster.

1. Bear
2. Tic-Tac-Toe
3. XFL Football
4. "Hay Boy"
5. My Loves
6. Antidisestablishmentarianism
7. Striped
8. Owl
9. Initials

Please reply with 1-9 with the names of who you think did what next to it. Whoever guesses the most right wins a gigantic prize. We will congratulate you, and it might even be publicly. However, we shall not give you a coaster, because we need those to rest our drinks upon. Sorry.

Here's a couple hints... someone's parent played an XTREME form of football, and another tends to either like or dislike the established ruling class of any land.

If you also want to say which one is your favorite, feel free to note that as well, by placing next to the number "FAVORITE." Although for the purpose of this CoasterChallenge and this CoasterChallenge only, the phrase "Kevin" can be assumed to mean "OH MY GOD, THIS IS LIKE THE BESTEST THING EVERRRRR."

And look forward to CoasterChallenge 2000 ought 9, which will feature among other things coasters encompassing The Magna Carta, Degrassi High, Glow Worms, Captain Planet, Jodie Foster, Peanuts (not the comic), Corn, Angels of Death, Destruction and Torture, Sake, Janice Dickinson and a whole slew more!

Respond early, respond often, because CoasterChallenge 2000 ought 8 is ON!!!!!!

much anticipated "photos of our apartment" post

A note on this post. Raina went through and wrote the initial post. Kevin then read it and added his comments in green. So whereas Raina might say "Things are neat!!!" Kevin would say "This is the hippingest-hoppingest of all schlizammers in the joint!!"

Before the pictures, a few things about it. We only looked at one other place, and this one just blew it out of the water. I think it is a brand new complex or maybe just completely remodeled? Either way, everything is pretty nice. Oh and it is only a one bedroom, so visitors will need to sleep on an air mattress in the living room or at the nearby Comfort Inn. Your choice!

It is 660 sq feet (160 sq feet larger than our Madison apt). $925 per month for rent ($130 more than Madison), but we don't have the additional parking expense or pet rent... bitchin'. Our security deposit was half a months rent because I am poor :(, but kinda funny because I was the one to pay our sec. and pet deposit plus October's rent.

In the complex, there is a tennis court and outdoor pool. There is going to be a fitness room... but as of now, it doesn't exist. We remain hopeful, but until then, Wii Fit must suffice.

Now onto the pictures.


The "view" from our balcony when you look to the left. Although, we don't actually look to the left, or even use the balcony that often, but it's nice to know it's there.

The "view" to the right from the balcony. See above.


Our glorious front door and entry way. It is on the second floor, but all our doors open straight to the outside. I'm petrified the felines will run out.


Our bedroom. Kinda small, but we really never used our HUGE bedroom in Madison.


Other half of our bedroom. Can't really have anything on the wall below that corkboard because Rio is naughty and rips stuff out of it. She enjoys redecorating things to her liking.... we do not.



The washer and dryer!!! YAY! They are microscopic in size though, but I can't really complain.


Our dining area. This is where the birds live--not pictured. One of the damages from the move was the top of this table had a few gashes...


Sunken living room and Rio's toys right in the middle of it. The fireplace is an actual woodburning one. Won't be using that--we have it saftey pinned shut to avoid kitten infiltration. Please note how "Degrassi: The Next Generation" is playing on the plasma. Raina is a 21-year-old Woman... Degrassi is intended for Canadian tweens. Make your own conclusions. Please also note that I was busy doing other things like taking pictures and not watching Degrassi! But, if you look closely, you can see K's pant leg on the couch, facing the TV. Make your own conclusions.


In living room facing the kitchen. The chair in this photo was another part of the damages--the top/back part has a nail jutting out and metal structural stuff popping out. But on the plus side, when Sprocket plays "Cliffhanger" on it, it's not like he's damaging the whole thing.


In living room facing the dining room. Loves me some lanterns and stars!


In the dining room looking at the balcony door and living room. Shoving that couch through our narrow staircase was awful. Kevin kept ramming my shins and knocking me down. Raina kept falling... where's the dedication?!?!


Bathroom with Kevin's skull man and Patrick's owl prominently displayed. The flooring is a faux tile and looks really similar to the fireplace.


The bathroom again, showing our lovely sink and mirror!


Kitchen half nearest to the living room. The microwave has something against frozen berries--it likes to set them on fire! Fire good! No, fire bad.


The other half of the kitchen. The floors are faux wood... very strange texture. When we try playing dice with Rio, instead of bouncing like a good die does, it kind of just... well, it dies. That's a pun!!


Ah yes, need a shot of the DISHWASHER!! It's like sex, but in appliance form!

My parking space is the size of a postage stamp. The Cavalier has a HUGE front end making it hard to shimmy in and out (that's what she said... literally). Also, it is a two door car so you need a lot of room to open the doors far enough to get out. Luckily, Kevin traded me so I am able to get out--but it is tight. I can't complain because the leasing lady forgot to make me pay $30/mo. extra for it. Wonder how long it will be before she catches on?

The surrounding area is not the prettiest. Lots of construction in the surrounding block--new apartment complexes I believe. There is the worlds smallest "park" which is essentially a grass knoll surrounding a barbwire fenced-off area. Very chic.

It is one block from Aurora Ave which has a lot of businesses along it and is pretty much an I5 alternative route/prostitution hub. The interurban bike/walking trail is a block away as is a bus stop. All in all, a pretty good location as far as practicality is concerned. Scenery could use some work.

In case anyone did not receive it, our new address is:

14335 Linden Ave N.
Apt D201
Seattle, WA 98133

That's all for this post.

--R.

--Kevin out!