For Christmas, we headed back to teh Minnesota thanks to the generous gift of plane tickets from Kevin's parents! Getting there was a bit of an ordeal, we planned to leave our apartment at 930p for our flight that left at 1250a. The drive to SeaTac is about 45 minutes or so, giving us plenty of time.
Unfortunately, we didn't actually leave at 930p... Kevin decided it would be a good idea to park his car in a snowbank. I spent 30 minutes pushing and placing cardboard under his wheels to get him out. If you ask him, he'd say 15 minutes, but he was in the car all warm and cozy pressing the gas pedal and turning the wheel (what man lets his girlfriend push the car out of the snow??!) The actual time was probably somewhere in between... 22.5 minutes or so. I can maybe cut him some slack about parking in a snowbank considering this is his first winter without his jeep and the four-wheel drive that goes along with it.
Anyway, 952p and we finally get on the road. The drive took slightly longer than anticipated, but they always do here where the traffic never moves (or so it seems). Probably get to the SeaTac area around 1055p. Wanted to use offsite parking, but all the lots were snowed in--of course! Ended up having to park at the airport, but for some reason there was a HUGE back up getting in.
I don't know if drivers do this everywhere or not, but it seems to be a big problem in Seattle. You'll have jerks pulling onto the "exit only" or "this lane must exit" areas because they are not backed up and then try to get back over right before the lane ends. It is annoying and slows everyone down because no one wants to let those people back in.
Anyway, we finally get parked at 1130p. Luckily security and check-in were pretty dead and we got to our gate right when they started boarding first class. Phew. Yes, we have had much worse plane experiences (ask us about our Bill Clinton/Snowstorm Madison Departure and our Chicago/Stormy/Next Day Vegas Departure), but it is never fun to have the unexpected occur. Anyway, we made it to Minneapolis in one piece.
We sat in the airport for while watching CNN. Clearly, it was a slow news day because they reported on a water main that broke for 1.5 hrs (and probably more, but we were saved by Brent). We went to the magnet store and lego land where Kevin and Brent built toy cars... then Becky and Eric arrived and we had a nice little lunch. Thanks to you all for the lovely gifts! Hopefully you enjoyed yours as well.
Then it was off with my mom to Mankato. Nothing eventful really happens. We made a vegetarian Christmas feast which was fun, considering my mom and brother would prefer turkey or ham or something of the sort.
We had Christmas at my maternal grandparents on the Eve and at my paternal grandparents on the 26th. We do a gift exchange where everyone puts something in the middle (boys buy for boys etc.) and then we draw numbers. Lowest number has to go first and opens a present from the middle... next person can either take the present from the first person or open a different gift and so on.
Well, last year Kevin ended up with a toolbox. I warned him not to pick a gift that was for a man (pick unisex instead), but he went against my advice. The men in my family are all very manly men--they like to hunt, fish, fix stuff, play with tools, etc... Kevin doesn't fit into that at all. Well, he did it again this year--ended up with a fluorescent shop light... Lucky for him, my mom took pity on him and stole it, giving him a chance to get something a little less... masculine.
It was a very short trip, but we had birdies, kitties, and fishes missing us at home. It is good to be back and now the weather is more tolerable (no snow on the ground and 40 degrees).
Thanks again to everyone for shlepping us around and for the gifts you gave! We really appreciate it!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
"record snow"
As some of you know, the northwest has been experiencing "record snowfall" and the "worst winter in 20 years." Figures... once I move, they have a bad winter. Weather hates me and follows me around. On the bright side, if I stayed in Madison, I wouldn't be getting anything better. We thought Madison's 100+ inches last year was bad enough, but their snowfall this year is about 10 inches ahead of the pace set last year!
Record snow for Seattle is only a measly six inches. Psh. That's nothing! Worst winter in 20 years is only 20-30 degrees! Psh. That's nothing!
Everytime we check out somewhere, the checker always says something like "man, can you believe that weather out there? it's so cold!" To which we scoff and say "We are from Minnesota, you don't know cold. This is an unseasonably nice winter day there." This is said, of course, by Kevin who is still wearing a t-shirt and nothing more.
You really would think this weather is nothing given where Kevin and I have lived for the majority of our lives, but they make six inches of snow seem like 16 inches of snow. They don't plow--except for I5. They just leave everything. It wouldn't be bad if they knew how to deal with it, but the Seattle method of dealing with winter is to shut all business down.
Also, the hills are awful. They don't plow those either... downtown is a deathtrap. Perhaps you saw the two charter buses leaning over the guardrail over looking I5 on the news, very very scary!
When you aren't used to having your entire city going into a lockdown over a little snow, it is a bit annoying. No doubt it is less annoying than coping with 6 months of -20 degree weather and 100+ inches of snow, but still not the paradise I imagined.
Record snow for Seattle is only a measly six inches. Psh. That's nothing! Worst winter in 20 years is only 20-30 degrees! Psh. That's nothing!
Everytime we check out somewhere, the checker always says something like "man, can you believe that weather out there? it's so cold!" To which we scoff and say "We are from Minnesota, you don't know cold. This is an unseasonably nice winter day there." This is said, of course, by Kevin who is still wearing a t-shirt and nothing more.
You really would think this weather is nothing given where Kevin and I have lived for the majority of our lives, but they make six inches of snow seem like 16 inches of snow. They don't plow--except for I5. They just leave everything. It wouldn't be bad if they knew how to deal with it, but the Seattle method of dealing with winter is to shut all business down.
Also, the hills are awful. They don't plow those either... downtown is a deathtrap. Perhaps you saw the two charter buses leaning over the guardrail over looking I5 on the news, very very scary!
When you aren't used to having your entire city going into a lockdown over a little snow, it is a bit annoying. No doubt it is less annoying than coping with 6 months of -20 degree weather and 100+ inches of snow, but still not the paradise I imagined.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
uncommon cat toys
I think anyone who owns a cat knows that they enjoy playing with the things they perceive as being "not toys." You can buy the fanciest, fuzzy, crinkly, pink toy mouse out there, but when given the choice between pink mouse and a milk seal, the seal always wins.
I'm providing a list of uncommon (and cheap) cat toys -
1. Milk/Juice Seal - You know the little piece of plastic you have to peal off before you can unscrew the top... cats love it.
2. Pipe Cleaners - Just make sure you fold the ends down, so they aren't so pokey.
3. Cardboard Boxes - Our cats are interior designers and architects. They enjoy large boxes that they can chew skylights and trap doors into. We have an aquarium box that never fails to entertain and leave tiny bits of cardboard all over our carpet.
4. Dice - This may not be the best for most cats, but ones who like a challenge won't be able to resist the bouncy, clink dice make when dropped into a bathtub or tile floor. Rio likes to carry them around in her mouth and throw them to herself.
5. Drum Sticks - Our cats think these are evil and drag them around the house to show them who's the boss (and it isn't Tony Danza)!
6. Feathers - I bought a pack of craft store feathers for my owl costume, and it was all I could do to keep the cats from wandering away with them all.
7. Dinosaurs - Toy ones of course. I found one in their water dish this morning--he met a watery death. Muwah-wah-wahhhh.
8. Straws - Sprocket stole one out of the garbage, and he loves it. He'll carry it around and attack it for hours. But, he also likes to sleep on Stephen King books "Insomnia" and "Needful Things" so he is a little odd to start with.
9. Kleenex/Toliet Paper/Paper Towel - Give them the empty roll or a sheet... but it gets pretty messy.
They love any of these items more than anything we've ever bought for them. Jerks.
I'm providing a list of uncommon (and cheap) cat toys -
1. Milk/Juice Seal - You know the little piece of plastic you have to peal off before you can unscrew the top... cats love it.
2. Pipe Cleaners - Just make sure you fold the ends down, so they aren't so pokey.
3. Cardboard Boxes - Our cats are interior designers and architects. They enjoy large boxes that they can chew skylights and trap doors into. We have an aquarium box that never fails to entertain and leave tiny bits of cardboard all over our carpet.
4. Dice - This may not be the best for most cats, but ones who like a challenge won't be able to resist the bouncy, clink dice make when dropped into a bathtub or tile floor. Rio likes to carry them around in her mouth and throw them to herself.
5. Drum Sticks - Our cats think these are evil and drag them around the house to show them who's the boss (and it isn't Tony Danza)!
6. Feathers - I bought a pack of craft store feathers for my owl costume, and it was all I could do to keep the cats from wandering away with them all.
7. Dinosaurs - Toy ones of course. I found one in their water dish this morning--he met a watery death. Muwah-wah-wahhhh.
8. Straws - Sprocket stole one out of the garbage, and he loves it. He'll carry it around and attack it for hours. But, he also likes to sleep on Stephen King books "Insomnia" and "Needful Things" so he is a little odd to start with.
9. Kleenex/Toliet Paper/Paper Towel - Give them the empty roll or a sheet... but it gets pretty messy.
They love any of these items more than anything we've ever bought for them. Jerks.
Friday, December 12, 2008
ratatouille
Since I've decided to go the way of the vegetarian, I've been cooking more and more. I've also been attempting to train Kevin how to cook (he didn't even know how to brown hamburger... he asks me if it is done, I ask if it is brown, he says yes, then I say... well if you are browning the hamburger and it is now brown, then I think you are done).
Last night we made Ratatouille, and while it was not nearly adorable as a rat making the dish, I think it was still good. You MUST like vegetables a lot and have high quality produce to make this worth the effort since it really just emphasizes the best qualities of the vegetables. We modeled our version on a recipe from allrecipes.com.
Makes 4 very large servings or 8 small servings. You can serve with noodles or rice, but we just ate ours plain.
Heat 1 T oil, and saute garlic, onion, and eggplant on medium heat until eggplant is softened.
Layer vegetables in casserole dish coated with 1 T. olive oil: eggplant/onion/garlic mixture, sprinkle of parm, zucchini/squash, sprinkle of parm, mushrooms/bell pepper, sprinkle of parm, and tomatoes on top with the rest of the parm.
Note: You can add some salt to the dish, we just did a small sprinkle on top because I don't like adding a lot of sodium. I figure individuals can salt their own if they want more.
Cook for 45 minutes in a 350 degree oven.
Last night we made Ratatouille, and while it was not nearly adorable as a rat making the dish, I think it was still good. You MUST like vegetables a lot and have high quality produce to make this worth the effort since it really just emphasizes the best qualities of the vegetables. We modeled our version on a recipe from allrecipes.com.
Makes 4 very large servings or 8 small servings. You can serve with noodles or rice, but we just ate ours plain.
- 2 tablespoons olive oil
- 3 cloves garlic, minced
- 2 teaspoons dried parsley
- 1 eggplant, peeled and cut into 1/2 inch cubes
- 3/4 cup shredded Parmesan cheese
- 1 zucchini, sliced
- 1 summer squash, sliced
- 1 large onion, sliced into rings
- 1/2 cup sliced fresh mushrooms
- 1 green bell pepper, sliced
- 2 large tomatoes, sliced
Layer vegetables in casserole dish coated with 1 T. olive oil: eggplant/onion/garlic mixture, sprinkle of parm, zucchini/squash, sprinkle of parm, mushrooms/bell pepper, sprinkle of parm, and tomatoes on top with the rest of the parm.
Note: You can add some salt to the dish, we just did a small sprinkle on top because I don't like adding a lot of sodium. I figure individuals can salt their own if they want more.
Cook for 45 minutes in a 350 degree oven.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
the longest game ever
Since I am poor due to lack of employment (still working on that), I made Kevin a game for our three year anniversary. He is sentimental and likes to celebrate these occasions; I could take them or leave them. It was a very long and drawn out endeavor, but hey, I have the time. The whole thing probably cost $15.
Here is the tale of our first experience playing "The Longest Game Ever." Turns out, the game was aptly titled. We began play at 7:15 pm, and I won the game at 12:45 am. The object of the game is to be the last person to lose all their point tokens. It really can go as long or as short as you want it to depending on the number of tokens you start with. You lose tokens by failing to complete tasks, losing a game, bad luck, and refusing to answer questions.
The game board consists of blank, secret, chance, and activities spaces. Landing on a secret space requires the player to draw a card and answer the question written on the card in a timely and satisfactory way--they lose token if they don't answer or beat around the bush. A chance card is random luck--like a roll of the dice or flip of a coin. An activities card involves playing a small game, and the loser of the game also loses a token.
There are also 4 larger challenge spaces--quickfire, jeopardy, gamer, and crossword. In a quickfire challenge, each player chooses an ingredient for a total of 5, then they must create a dish using all those ingredients within the time limit determined by the roll of a dice. Person with the worst dish loses a point. In a gamer challenge, 4 video games are chosen, the first to 3 wins gets to keep their point. In the jeopardy challenge, we watch a tivo'ed episode of the show and keep score. Lastly, a crossword challenge involves us doing a crossword puzzle--first to complete the puzzle, or whoever completes the most, wins.
With that explanation in mind, here are the highlights:
1. Kevin drew an activities card which required us each to 'interpretive dance' to a song of the other persons choosing. Worst dance lost. Well, he had to dance to 'To the Dogs or Whoever' by Josh Ritter, and boy was it AWFUL. It mostly consisted of skipping and hiking up his boxers when the song go to the line 'did I mention how I love you in your underwear?'
2. Quickfire challenges were awesome. The first one had syrup, vanilla ice cream, chocolate chips, cinnamon wheat thins, and caramel sauce with a 4 minute time limit. I made a take on fried ice cream while Kevin made smiley face with ice cream sandwich eyes and a syrup mouth--and he won! The second challenge had spinach, salsa verde, garlic powder, mrs. dash, and limeade with a 5 minute time limit. I made a breakfast burrito with scrambled eggs and a sour cream/limeade/salsa verde sauce. Kevin made "HOT Cows in a Blanket"-- cottage cheese rolled up in spinach with salsa and a limeade vodka shot. Except he nuked cottage cheese for 20 seconds. Apparently it never occurred to him that it would melt.... here is what was left:
Needless to say, I won that round. And the game.
Here is the tale of our first experience playing "The Longest Game Ever." Turns out, the game was aptly titled. We began play at 7:15 pm, and I won the game at 12:45 am. The object of the game is to be the last person to lose all their point tokens. It really can go as long or as short as you want it to depending on the number of tokens you start with. You lose tokens by failing to complete tasks, losing a game, bad luck, and refusing to answer questions.
The game board consists of blank, secret, chance, and activities spaces. Landing on a secret space requires the player to draw a card and answer the question written on the card in a timely and satisfactory way--they lose token if they don't answer or beat around the bush. A chance card is random luck--like a roll of the dice or flip of a coin. An activities card involves playing a small game, and the loser of the game also loses a token.
There are also 4 larger challenge spaces--quickfire, jeopardy, gamer, and crossword. In a quickfire challenge, each player chooses an ingredient for a total of 5, then they must create a dish using all those ingredients within the time limit determined by the roll of a dice. Person with the worst dish loses a point. In a gamer challenge, 4 video games are chosen, the first to 3 wins gets to keep their point. In the jeopardy challenge, we watch a tivo'ed episode of the show and keep score. Lastly, a crossword challenge involves us doing a crossword puzzle--first to complete the puzzle, or whoever completes the most, wins.
With that explanation in mind, here are the highlights:
1. Kevin drew an activities card which required us each to 'interpretive dance' to a song of the other persons choosing. Worst dance lost. Well, he had to dance to 'To the Dogs or Whoever' by Josh Ritter, and boy was it AWFUL. It mostly consisted of skipping and hiking up his boxers when the song go to the line 'did I mention how I love you in your underwear?'
2. Quickfire challenges were awesome. The first one had syrup, vanilla ice cream, chocolate chips, cinnamon wheat thins, and caramel sauce with a 4 minute time limit. I made a take on fried ice cream while Kevin made smiley face with ice cream sandwich eyes and a syrup mouth--and he won! The second challenge had spinach, salsa verde, garlic powder, mrs. dash, and limeade with a 5 minute time limit. I made a breakfast burrito with scrambled eggs and a sour cream/limeade/salsa verde sauce. Kevin made "HOT Cows in a Blanket"-- cottage cheese rolled up in spinach with salsa and a limeade vodka shot. Except he nuked cottage cheese for 20 seconds. Apparently it never occurred to him that it would melt.... here is what was left:
Needless to say, I won that round. And the game.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Goldfish are all they're cracked up to be
So, for those who haven't been paying attention to Goldfish crackers, watch out, because your mind is about to be blown!
Sorry, I've gotten too far ahead of myself. Goldfish crackers, those delightful bits of orange have recently experienced a resurgence on their awesomeness scale. That's right, they've elevated from "Way Awesome" to "Totally Awesome." How did PF (Pepperidge Farm) enhance the product formerly known as "That Thing That Plenty Of Kids Place In The Aquarium Whilst Their Dad Was Trying To Clean Said Aquarium Resulting In The Untimely Death Of Actual Living GoldFish" well, that's the mindblowing part.
... chocolate covered goldfish. Sit down, it'll be all right. Let me explain. The other day at work, someone came in asking for the chocolate goldfish. We assumed she was referring to the chocolate graham ones that even the most pedestrian of goldfishers knows about. But oh no, she actually wanted Goldfish crackers covered with chocolate, and the good people at Pepperidge Farm actually indulged this whim!
Granted, it's chocolate covered pretzels (AKA "The Poor Man's Poison"), but it's a step in the right direction. Imagine the funtastical directions the good people at PF could take this. Chocolate Covered Pizza. Chocolate Covered Nothin' But Nacho. Chocolate Covered Parmesean. Chocolate Covered Monterey Jack Sampler. Chocolate Covered Calcium Enriched Salt & Vinegar Goldfish Product (available in certain regions of Canada... screw you Montpelier!)--a name like that just rolls off the tongue... and down the throat! And my favorite, chocolate covered chocolate covered goldfish, with super enhanced sucky pretzel fighting endorphins.All I can say
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
House anyone?
Question: Does anyone who reads our blog watch House?
If so, I will definitely put up my thoughts that I've been reserving for my LiveJournal here.
If you don't watch House, give it a try--you won't be disappointed.
If so, I will definitely put up my thoughts that I've been reserving for my LiveJournal here.
If you don't watch House, give it a try--you won't be disappointed.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
random list of songs
Just randomly posting some sad/happy/bittersweet songs. Anybody have any good ones?
more than anyone - gavin degraw
delilah - plain white tees
book of love - peter gabriel
when the stars go blue - bono and the corrs (yes, i know ryan adams sings it)
green eyes - coldplay
scientist - coldplay
leather and lace - stevie nicks and don henley
love will keep us alive - the eagles
walking after you - foo fighters
iris - goo goo dolls
moon river - henry mancini
the city - joe purdy
have a little faith in me - john hiatt
i hear the bells - mike doughty
wonderwall - oasis
in your eyes - peter gabriel
hallelujah - rufus wainwright
never say blue like that - shawn colvin
wand - stuart davis
all i want is you - u2
friday i'm in love - the cure
just like heaven - the cure
every breath you take - the police
such great heights - postal service
to the dogs or whoever - josh ritter
temptation of adam - josh ritter
all i know - art garfunkel
and so it goes - billy joel
lover's will - bonnie raitt
i will always love you - dolly parton/whitney houston
end of innocence - don henley
sorry seems to be the hardest word - elton john
blue eyes blue - eric clapton
you look wonderful tonight - eric clapton
somewhere only we know - keane
true love waits - radiohead
chasing cars - snow patrol
love will come through - travis
into the west - annie lennox
pictures of you - the cure
my immortal - evanescence
cut here - the cure
beautiful child - stevie nicks
wake me up when september ends - green day
total eclipse of the heart - stevie nicks
if you ever did believe -stevie nicks
black balloon - goo goo dolls
good man - josh ritter
empty hearts - josh ritter
right moves - josh ritter
it never entered my mind - miles davis
wolves - josh ritter
Yeah, that really served no purpose.
more than anyone - gavin degraw
delilah - plain white tees
book of love - peter gabriel
when the stars go blue - bono and the corrs (yes, i know ryan adams sings it)
green eyes - coldplay
scientist - coldplay
leather and lace - stevie nicks and don henley
love will keep us alive - the eagles
walking after you - foo fighters
iris - goo goo dolls
moon river - henry mancini
the city - joe purdy
have a little faith in me - john hiatt
i hear the bells - mike doughty
wonderwall - oasis
in your eyes - peter gabriel
hallelujah - rufus wainwright
never say blue like that - shawn colvin
wand - stuart davis
all i want is you - u2
friday i'm in love - the cure
just like heaven - the cure
every breath you take - the police
such great heights - postal service
to the dogs or whoever - josh ritter
temptation of adam - josh ritter
all i know - art garfunkel
and so it goes - billy joel
lover's will - bonnie raitt
i will always love you - dolly parton/whitney houston
end of innocence - don henley
sorry seems to be the hardest word - elton john
blue eyes blue - eric clapton
you look wonderful tonight - eric clapton
somewhere only we know - keane
true love waits - radiohead
chasing cars - snow patrol
love will come through - travis
into the west - annie lennox
pictures of you - the cure
my immortal - evanescence
cut here - the cure
beautiful child - stevie nicks
wake me up when september ends - green day
total eclipse of the heart - stevie nicks
if you ever did believe -stevie nicks
black balloon - goo goo dolls
good man - josh ritter
empty hearts - josh ritter
right moves - josh ritter
it never entered my mind - miles davis
wolves - josh ritter
Yeah, that really served no purpose.
Monday, November 3, 2008
A million strong for lack of grocery fraud
We were just at the grocery store, and while there, Raina decided it was her mission to put Half and Half in someone's cart that wasn't buying Half and Half. Well, she definitely succeeded in this mission.
However, if you ask her, she claims she didn't intend to do this, and also everyone does this 24/7, even when they're not grocery shopping. To prove her wrong, I gathered some data and constructed the following pie chart in MS Paint.
If anyone else has never accidentally placed a grocery item in the wrong cart, feel free to comment to prove that nobody does this.
Thanks!
However, if you ask her, she claims she didn't intend to do this, and also everyone does this 24/7, even when they're not grocery shopping. To prove her wrong, I gathered some data and constructed the following pie chart in MS Paint.
If anyone else has never accidentally placed a grocery item in the wrong cart, feel free to comment to prove that nobody does this.
Thanks!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Beware, there's a haunted ass kicking
Raina and I have been going to a lot of haunted houses recently. Three in fact. We're not doing this because we know someone in the house or we're preteens looking for a good scare, we're doing it as a full-on research endeavor, because we are gonna open our own haunted house!
Since there's only a couple weeks until actual Halloween takes place, I'm gonna just lay out some of the ideas I've cribbed from our haunting experiences to showcase to you “Raina and Kevin's Most Ass Kickingest Haunted Scarefest Eva!©”
Here are some of the rooms I envision us having:
*Clown Autopsy room
What's the scariest thing about clowns? It's not the makeup, nor is it their photographic memories, it's how they murder people. That's where the clown autopsy room comes into play. Just picture it, a clown strung out on a table. Another clown with a scoopula full of clown brain forcing you to gaze into the sheer terror of clown bits. Also, on the way out, they'll stab you in the crotch. If that's not scary, you're either inhuman or... A CLOWN!!!! Oh wait, they're the same thing.
*Room where annoying little girls sing Katy Perry's “Hot N Cold” non-stop until you fashion a homemade shiv out of a credit card and stab yourself in the brain to death.
This is based on the experience we had at the Tulalip haunted house last night. While technically it took place outside of the house, I'm certain the evil haunted house purveyors stuck this sin against nature behind us just to add to the sheer terror of the evening. It didn't help that they kept nudging us as well.
*Strobe light room
You're legally required to have an incessant amount of strobe lights if you run a haunted house. We're just living up to union regulations with this one.
* Kitty petting room
I figure since our kitties will want to be involved, we'll let people pet them. But did I mention these kitties were PURE EVIL!?!?!!?!?!? I didn't, oh wait, they're not, but people do like cats, and you gotta play to the audience.
*Pile o' Credit Carded People
You gotta dispose of the corpses somehow, why not get a free cheap scare out of it.
*Chainsaw Murderer
Every single haunted house ever created always ends with a guy revving a chainsaw and chasing after people who foolishly forgot to wear their Kevlar. What'll make our experience different is we'll recruit heavily from a pool of convicted murderers, vampire slayers, jaywalkers and warlocks and let them go to town with the chainsaw. It's basically win-win, we get a really cool scare section (watching people murdered with a chainsaw is not appealing), and he or she gets to kill people. We probably don't even have to pay him or her!
*Erik Estrada explains Super String Theory
This is what we in the biz call a "double whammy"--celebrity nobody cares about explaining theory nobody understands. Inspired by us seeing Michael Ray Bower (Donkeylips from "Salute Your Shorts") explain the benefits of Grand Unification Theory at one of the haunted houses.
*Room playing 1990's classic horror film “It.”
At the haunted wood in Renton, we walked into a room playing this movie and Raina screamed her head off. There were no actors jumping out at us, it was just Tim Curry on DVD.
With all this killing that occurs, it might seem like we'd be liable for many of the deaths that occur in our establishment of fun. To get around that slight legal issue, all we'd need to do is make them sign a release form. These forms, like field trip permission forms of old will completely absolve us of any legal ramifications. They'll work, because even if people read them (doubtful), they'll assume when we say “I will not hold Raina and Kevin's Most Ass Kickingest Haunted Scarefest Eva!© responsible if a deranged clown murderer preteen drinks 14 feet of my long intestine,” they'll think we're just being facetious and having a grand ole time. We're not.
Since there's only a couple weeks until actual Halloween takes place, I'm gonna just lay out some of the ideas I've cribbed from our haunting experiences to showcase to you “Raina and Kevin's Most Ass Kickingest Haunted Scarefest Eva!©”
Here are some of the rooms I envision us having:
*Clown Autopsy room
What's the scariest thing about clowns? It's not the makeup, nor is it their photographic memories, it's how they murder people. That's where the clown autopsy room comes into play. Just picture it, a clown strung out on a table. Another clown with a scoopula full of clown brain forcing you to gaze into the sheer terror of clown bits. Also, on the way out, they'll stab you in the crotch. If that's not scary, you're either inhuman or... A CLOWN!!!! Oh wait, they're the same thing.*Room where annoying little girls sing Katy Perry's “Hot N Cold” non-stop until you fashion a homemade shiv out of a credit card and stab yourself in the brain to death.
This is based on the experience we had at the Tulalip haunted house last night. While technically it took place outside of the house, I'm certain the evil haunted house purveyors stuck this sin against nature behind us just to add to the sheer terror of the evening. It didn't help that they kept nudging us as well.
*Strobe light room
You're legally required to have an incessant amount of strobe lights if you run a haunted house. We're just living up to union regulations with this one.
* Kitty petting room
I figure since our kitties will want to be involved, we'll let people pet them. But did I mention these kitties were PURE EVIL!?!?!!?!?!? I didn't, oh wait, they're not, but people do like cats, and you gotta play to the audience.
*Pile o' Credit Carded People
You gotta dispose of the corpses somehow, why not get a free cheap scare out of it.
*Chainsaw Murderer
Every single haunted house ever created always ends with a guy revving a chainsaw and chasing after people who foolishly forgot to wear their Kevlar. What'll make our experience different is we'll recruit heavily from a pool of convicted murderers, vampire slayers, jaywalkers and warlocks and let them go to town with the chainsaw. It's basically win-win, we get a really cool scare section (watching people murdered with a chainsaw is not appealing), and he or she gets to kill people. We probably don't even have to pay him or her!*Erik Estrada explains Super String Theory
This is what we in the biz call a "double whammy"--celebrity nobody cares about explaining theory nobody understands. Inspired by us seeing Michael Ray Bower (Donkeylips from "Salute Your Shorts") explain the benefits of Grand Unification Theory at one of the haunted houses.
*Room playing 1990's classic horror film “It.”
At the haunted wood in Renton, we walked into a room playing this movie and Raina screamed her head off. There were no actors jumping out at us, it was just Tim Curry on DVD.
With all this killing that occurs, it might seem like we'd be liable for many of the deaths that occur in our establishment of fun. To get around that slight legal issue, all we'd need to do is make them sign a release form. These forms, like field trip permission forms of old will completely absolve us of any legal ramifications. They'll work, because even if people read them (doubtful), they'll assume when we say “I will not hold Raina and Kevin's Most Ass Kickingest Haunted Scarefest Eva!© responsible if a deranged clown murderer preteen drinks 14 feet of my long intestine,” they'll think we're just being facetious and having a grand ole time. We're not.
I can imagine one day Roger Ebert saying "Raina and Kevin's Most Ass Kickingest Haunted Scarefest Eva!© makes the Goosebumps tale 'Say Cheese and Die - Again!" seem like the Goosebumps tale 'My Best Friend is Invisible,' and you can quote me on that!" title>
So if any anyone is looking for an Ass Kicking good time, I know an Ass Kicking good place to do it at, that's right, Raina and Kevin's Most Ass Kickingest Haunted Scarefest Eva!©.
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